Hidden Memory
by Kimharu
Summary: A failed rescue made Alan experience something like Deja vu.
1. Chapter 1

Alan shivered slightly as the temperature seemed to drop the longer he stayed there. The thermal suit he was wearing provided the necessary warmth for his body but the thing can only protect him for so long. They had been working for nearly three hours straight on nothing but pure white snow. Their surroundings were inevitably cold and it was one of those rescues Alan hated doing. He never really liked the snow or the cold temperature which is why Tracy Island was always the perfect place to live in for him. He knew that the first thing he would do once they went back home is to take a nice long hot bath. Just the idea of it motivated him to work faster. After all, the faster he works the sooner he could get home.

After awhile thou, Alan stopped what he was doing for a moment and looked up at his brothers. Gordon and Virgil were both busy with the mole. They were trying to get the accurate coordination before they dig through the mountain of ice to reach the cave that held captive the people they are supposed to save. It would have been easier if that was all that needed to be done but the previous earthquake had caused the entrance of the cave to be blocked by very large rocks and enormous amount of snow. To make matters worse, the composition of those rocks were too hard for the mole so they had to removed those rocks first with the aid of Thunderbird 1 and a machine called The Puller. It took them nearly two hours just doing that. The distance between the cave entrance and them was just too far and the snow that buried it was so deep.

Alan found himself shivering again before directing his gaze at Scott. The older man was busy going through the readings and data of the danger zone while communicating with John up in Thunderbird 5 and at the same time reporting to their dad back at Base. Alan could see how tired Scott looked. It was only natural, the rescue was tough due to mother nature playing her part so well. It was also probably because Scott didn't get enough sleep last night due to some paper works he needed to finish. And it didn't help the matter in the slightest when the klaxon rang so early in the morning. Alan himself was still sleeping when the call for a rescue near the Himalayas came. A group of climbers had been trapped inside a cave after an avalanche that was caused by an earthquake. According to John, they had been awfully lucky to have entered the cave just minutes before it happened.

Alan continued his work of shoveling and removing the remaining smaller rocks. He was almost done much to his delight. He heaved out a small sigh as he shivered for the many times that day. He was pretty sure that his brothers were all feeling the same way and that they have the exact same wish as him for warmth and comfort once they get back home.

"Alan, are you almost done?" Scott called out to him drawing out his attention from his personal thoughts.

"Yeah. Just a few more." Alan nodded but never stopped working.

"Okay. Keep up the good work Sprout." Scott smiled at his baby brother in respond. It was a tired smile but still, Alan appreciated his brother's calmness despite how tired he was. Scott was always calm and collected during rescues no matter what he was feeling. Something Alan had always admired from him. He smiled back at Scott gratefully.

Virgil and Gordon were finally done with The Mole and they could now see the entrance of the cave. Alan wasted no time and immediately entered the large hole made to get to the climbers while Virgil and Scott wait at the entrance to guide them safely to Thunderbird 2. Gordon would soon follow him with the gears necessary after he has assessed the situation fully.

The hole made by The Mole was hollow and it was a long way down the path inside the cave before reaching the climbers. Alan had found them taking sanctuary at the deepest and end part of the cave. It was probably an action out of fear for their life when the avalanche hit them. Just like John reported previously, there were six climbers trapped. Alan wandered his eyes around the small space and took in the information in front of him.

"How many are you are injured?" Alan asked to no one in particular.

"Just one." One man who stood to left side of the cave answered. Alan could see that he looked extremely relieved to see a member of the International Rescue standing in front of him.

"A rock fell on his foot when we ran into this cave for shelter. It's broken." The man then pointed towards another younger man that was sitting and leaning against the wall of the cave. "The rest of us are fine." He added. Alan nodded and turned on his watch.

"Alan to mobile control."

"Mobile control to Alan. We're hearing you loud and clear. How's the situation in there?" Scott voice came through almost immediately as if his fingers were already waiting to press his watch. Alan tried to hide a chuckle. His eldest brother was always such a worry wart even though he tried his best to hide it to avoid annoying Alan but he knew that Scott couldn't help it. He was the youngest after all and all his older brothers have that what Alan would call smother-hens jinx over each other especially towards the younger ones. Thou Alan always complained when they get overboard, deep down inside he truly enjoy being protected and loved that way. But of course, he would never _ever_ admit that to his brothers.

"We have six survivors here. One injured. Broken foot. I need Gordon to bring in the stretcher to move him." Alan said into the watch.

"Oh and we need to take several people only at a time since the path is pretty tight and hollow around in here. It'll be too dangerous to take them all at once." He added.

"Alright Alan. Gordon will be with you in a few minutes. Keep me updated." Scott told him.

"FAB." Alan replied.

Virgil was busy treating the injured climber up in Thunderbird's 2 med-bay. For once, only one person was injured and Virgil was thankful. So far the other three climbers that had been safely brought in only needed thermal blankets to keep them warm. None of them needed any treatment for hyportemia thabkfully and according to Alan, so were the other two left. Apparently, the cave had kept their body warm enough to hang on. Virgil was already utterly exhausted from digging through thick snow for two hours so being lifted off the burden of treating many injuries was such a relief for him.

"Hey Virg, need any help?" Scott appeared from beside him and asked.

"That won't be necessary. I'm almost done. Thanks anyways. Are all the victims transferred? Shouldn't you be waiting for them at the front of the cave?" Virgil asked his older brother. His eyes never leaving the injured foot of the climber. The poor climber had fainted because of the pain when they first got into the med-bay and Virgil had put up an IV for him for dehydration.

"Only two are left. Alan's bringing them out now and Gordon is waiting in front of the cave. I'm going to report to dad and John." Virgil nodded at that and Scott left the med-bay to get into the cockpit.

"VIRGIL!"

Scott was startled and almost knocks into the pilot's chair when John's face suddenly appeared in front of him on small the screen at the control panel.

"John, what the hell?!" Scott demanded as he rubbed his sore ears after being screamed at out of no where by John. John ignored Scott's remarks and called out in panic, trying his best to calm down.

"SCOTT! THIS BAD!" Seeing John so worked up, Scott could tell that something bad was happening or about to and that he wasn't going to like it.

"I've just received reports and data from the Geology Centre in Atlantic that indicates that there will be another aftershock in less than 3 minutes. You need to tell the others and get the hell out of there NOW!" John practically jumped out of his seat as he said this. His features showing nothing but worries. Worries about the safety of his brothers.

"WHAT?! And you're only telling me this NOW?!" Scott snapped. He was definitely taken aback by this new found information and he could feel his panic rising.

"Scott now is not the time for you to get mad at ME! YOU NEED TO WARN THE OTHERS AND GET OUT OF THERE NOW!" John screamed at the top of his lungs and slammed his control panel.

"There's no time!" Scott was all of a sudden glued to the floor. He didn't know what to do.

"WELL THEN YOU NEED TO TAKE COVER SOMEWHERE SAFE! SCOTT TELL THE OTHERS NOW! YOU GUYS NEED TO TAKE COVER!" John was losing his mind at this point. He was practically pressing the call to his other brothers' watch to warn them since Scott was being so slow. Scott however finally snapped back to reality and ran out of the door as fast as he can to warn his brothers.

"ALAN! WE NEED TO TAKE COVER NOW!"

Alan could hear Gordon screaming and running towards him from a distance. He had known about the upcoming aftershock. John had screamed into his watch seconds ago to warn him. Time was ticking face and he could feel shivers ran down his spine. He needed to stay calm.

"We need to move faster and once we're outside, we need to make a run for it to Thunderbird 2. There will be an aftershock. We can't waste any more time." Alan looked at the two remaining climbers and calmly informed them. He didn't want them to panic. Panic will only slow down the process of getting them to safety. Alan could see that they were nearing the entrance now and he was going to make sure that they were safe no matter what.

Alan debated on whether to stay inside the cave for safety or run for Thunderbird 2 that was strong enough to withhold an aftershock. Finally deciding that the risk was too big for them if they stayed inside the cave without knowing whether it can stand another shake, Alan told the two climbers to run towards Thunderbird 2. He could see Gordon coming from a few feet away from them. His older brother was painting and Alan could tell that he was both worried and scared.

As they started to run suddenly one of the climbers in front of Alan fell down with a loud thud which caused him to yelp out in pain. His fall was due to the cracks that were scattered all over the ground which was the result of the previous earthquake. Some of the cracks formed deep holes inside the ground. Alan knew that the climber had his foot stucked in one of the holes by accident.

"My father's foot is stuck!" The younger climber told Alan. The teenager was panicking. Alan was already trying his best to get the older man's foot out.

"Dude! We need to hurry up!" Gordon was there and Alan felt both glad and worried at the sudden turn of events.

"His foot got stuck Gords." Alan told Gordon. Gordon looked them over and quickly helped his younger brother.

"It's not working." Alan grunted. Time was moving fast and Alan knew that trouble was just around the corner.

Just as he thought of it, the ground began to shake and Gordon stood up and pulled Alan away from the climber on the ground.

"We need to get out of here now Al or we're going to die!" Gordon knew it was awful from him to be even thinking about leaving the stucked climber behind. However, all his mind and heart could think about was protecting his baby brother. Alan was at the top of his priority list and judging by the way things were, there was absolutely no way they can get the climber's foot out in time and even if they try to, they would die along with him. Being a member of the international rescue is great but the dark side of it is that they also need to learn to let go and accept the fact that they just can't save everybody. They need to however, save those that can be saved so he pulled the young climber as well.

"Gordon are you mad?! We can't leave him here!" Alan yelled. His eyes glaring at Gordon. A part of him knew that his brother was right but the other part of him didn't want to leave the person he was supposed to save.

"Please don't leave my father here please!" The young climber was sobbing and crying her eyes out when she realized the situation.

The ground shook even harder and Alan fell to the ground along with Gordon. They could hear Scott and Virgil's voice yelling hysterically from their watches.

"Sir, please take my daughter and make a run for it. You can still make it. Please before another avalanche comes." The older climber told Alan and pushed his daughter towards him.

"Dad NO! Please!" The teenage girl was petrified and trembling as she begged her father to change his mind.

"Susan look at me. Look at me Su and listen to me closely. You need to leave me. It's okay. It's okay sweetheart. It's okay. I'll be okay. I promise. So that's why. You must go. I'm not going to be the cause of your death and those men. I will never forgive myself if that ever happens. Go. Leave me."

"WE NEED TO HURRY UP!" Gordon who was already on his feet, quickly pulled both Alan and the teenage girl. From above, he could see another avalanche coming. All of a sudden he couldn't breathe and he felt nauseas. His throat was tight and knees buckling. They would have to make a sprint for it real fast.

"No let me go!" The teenage girl pushed Alan and Gordon away and lunged towards her father. "If my dad is going to die here then I'm going with him! I'm not leaving him behind!"

Gordon tried to pulled her but she was holding her father so tight he finally gave in and pulled Alan away from the duo. The ground was shaking so vigorously at this point and the avalanche was nearing them. They had run out of time.

"ALAN WE NEED TO RUN!" Gordon told Alan. Alan nodded quickly and they both ran as fast as they can towards Thunderbird 2.

Gordon looked backwards while he was running and his blood ran cold because he knew that they wouldn't make it to Thunderbird 2 in time. Immediately, he looked around for something to protect him and Alan. Miraculously, he saw a tall and large rock to their right, just before a large cliff at the edge of the mountain and pulled Alan towards it. They barely made it in time when the avalanche hit them. Gordon pushed Alan to the ground protectively as the large pile of snow flodded to their right and left like a bulldozer rolling down a mountain. Gordon was thankful that the rock was where it was. It had managed to protect them from being hit.

"You okay Al?" Gordon helped Alan to his feet and asked. He noticed Alan swaying a bit when he stood up.

"I'm okay." Alan reassured Gordon. His eyes wandering back to the place they were before. Gordon knew what his brother was thinking about and frowned.

"I'm sorry." Gordon apologized. He knew what a big-hearted person Alan is so it must have killed Alan to being forced to leave the two climbers behind.

At Gordon's apology Alan immediately turned around to look at his older brother.

"No Gords. Don't say that." Alan looked into Gordon's eyes and put an arm on his shoulder.

"It's not your fault. You were right. There's nothing we could have done with the amount of time we had." Alan told him. "I just wished that things could be different is all."

Gordon reached forward and flung his arms around Alan, hugging him tightly.

"I'm glad you're okay Al."

Alan smiled at this.

"I'm glad you're okay too Gords."

They remained their position for a little while longer before realizing their father and brothers' frantic voices on Alan's watch. Gordon looked at his watch wondering why none of his family contacted him. He could see that his watch was broken and its glass shattered. He didn't even realize he had smacked his watch when he pushed Alan to the ground earlier. Oh well, Brain can fix that problem in a heartbeat so he wasn't too worried about it.

"There's a life sign coming from here." Virgil told Scott, Alan and Gordon who were standing beside him. "It's weak thou."

"We have to help." Alan immediately said. After meeting back with his other brothers Alan had insisted that they at least check for any sign of life form. He didn't want to leave until he was sure. Knowing how stubborn Alan can be Virgil and the rest of them nodded and they all began to dig through the snow.

After awhile, they could see a few strains of hairs and continued to dig faster. The sight that reached them made their hearts break into gazillion pieces.

The older climber; the father, was holding his daughter protectively around his arms, shielding her from the debris and rocks that fell on him. There were blood everywhere around his body and by the looks of it, they could tell that he didn't make it. Virgil reached forward and felt for the pulse of the younger climber; the daughter, that lay beneath her father. He could feel her pulse and it was very weak.

"She's still alive." He told the others.

"Lets get her out then. We need to hurry, she needs treatment a.s.a.p." Scott said with a nod.

They quickly began to work their way around the father and the girl. After awhile, they had managed to free the girl and placed her onto a stretcher. It was only at this point they realized that Alan had fallen to his knees and he wasn't moving an inch. In fact, he didn't even bother to help them when he was the one who insisted on finding the two climbers. Their baby brother just sat there in front of them frozen to his feet. They noticed that he was trembling vigorously and his eyes were wide with fears. His hands had curved up into balls.

"Alan...?" Scott was immediately worried and before he knew it, he was already kneeled down by his youngest brother's side.

Alan didn't even flinch. It was as if he couldn't hear his eldest brother calling out to him.

"Sprout, what's wrong?" Scott put both his arms on Alan's shoulder and looked into his eyes. He could see that Alan's eyes were unfocused. He didn't even seem to notice Scott standing in front of him apparently. From behind him, Virgil and Gordon were worried sick but they were too busy attending to the teenage climber's injuries before transferring her to Thunderbird 2's med-bay that they had to really hold in their urge to be by Alan's side.

"Sprout..hey..." Scott tried again and rubbed Alan's cheeks gently. This time Alan seemed to notice him as he stared into Scott's eyes tearfully. Scott noticed something flicker in Alan's eyes but he couldn't work out what it means.

"Allie, tell me what's wrong. Please." Scott reverted back to Alan's childhood name instinctively when he saw how fragile his baby brother looked.

"Scotty..." Alan choked out, tears running down his cheeks.

"Yeah. I'm here Allie. I'm here." Scott gently pulled Alan into a comforting hug. He didn't know what was wrong with Alan but he felt that his baby brother needed the hug.

Alan didn't move but he continued to choke out his cries. His throat felt tight and his head was pounding. He noticed that his vision was going in and out.

"...I don't feel so good..." Alan almost whispered to Scott but the older man caught it.

"Come on. Lets get you warm up inside Thunderbird 2." Scott responded and stood up. He helped Alan up to his feet and practically dragged his baby brother through the piles of snow towards Thunderbird 2. Alan was getting weaker and Scott felt him going limp every second they were walking. Finally, he decided that enough was enough and he scooped up Alan in his arms like a bride and walked faster ahead. Alan didn't even protest; a sign that clearly worried Scott as it showed how bad his baby brother's condition might really be.

Virgil frowned when he found that there was absolutely nothing wrong with Alan. There were neither bruises nor injuries on Alan and he sworn he had check over gazillion times to be sure that his youngest brother was okay physically. However, Alan was _really_ pale and he couldn't just overlook that fact. His skin was almost as white as a ghost and he was still shaking slightly. He shook his head worriedly. Clearly, there was something wrong with his youngest brother but he couldn't figure out what. Plus, it didn't really help the matter when Alan stayed silent and didn't respond to anything he asked. At first, he wanted to snap at his brother and scold him for being childish but seeing how distant and lost Alan looked, his anger faded.

"Alan?" He tried for the many times they had been in the med-bay with Gordon flying. After seeing Alan frozen to the ground, trembling and crying, he had insisted on staying with Alan in order to make sure that the younger was okay even though he hated the idea of someone else flying his 'bird'.

Alan stayed silent and continued to stare out the window of Thunderbird's 2. Virgil was becoming even more worried. Was Alan really shaken up because he saw that older climber's dead body? Finally, he sighed and decided that it had been a long rescue and Alan was just tired and dehydrated so he set up an IV for him. He would just check on his baby brother once they get back to Base.

It had been three days since the rescue at the Himalayas and it had also been three days since Alan said anything to any of them. The youngest Tracy had gone mute for some unknown reason. Jeff had tried to talk some senses out of his youngest son but come to no avail like the rest of his sons. It was like talking to a walking doll that bears no emotions. Alan refused to open his mouth no matter what the conversation was about. He also refused to be around them for a long period of time and prefer to keep himself locked up inside his room. He even failed to finish some of his meals because he was too busy staring at God-knows-where with an empty expression on his face and being buried by his thoughts. Like his other sons, Jeff was worried sick and he didn't know what to do or where to start. The way Alan was behaving...terrified him.

Jeff was frantic when he first saw Alan once they got back from the rescue. Alan was white as a ghost and he was trembling. Virgil had to sedate him to make him fall asleep and to stop his trembling and Jeff had stayed with Alan the entire time until he woke up.

Jeff soon found himself inside his office with all of his sons except for Alan who was again locked up in his room. He had postponed the debriefing season on the Himalayas rescue because of Alan's condition but it was time to get it over with before another rescue sets off. That would just be a hassle for them if they have to do two reports at the same time.

"What on earth is wrong with Alan boys?" Jeff asked his other sons almost desperately once they have finished the reports. "It's like I've lost...a son." He could feel his heart ached as he said this.

"We don't know dad. That's why we're really worried." Virgil answered. He was sitting next to Scott on the couch.

"Surely it wasn't because of how the climber died was it? Could he be feeling guilty because he couldn't save him?"

"But Alan has already passed that stage long ago." John argued from the screen that showed his face. "It's not his first time seeing the people he tried to rescue dying in front of him."

"John's right on this one. Then what could be wrong with him?" Scott ran his hands through his hair frustratedly. "I've never seen him like that before...I was...really scared seeing him that way. He was really trembling."

"Do you guys see how his eyes look? That's not the Alan I know. That's not..our baby brother. His eyes looked...dead and so...so, lost." He continued tiredly. His body needed rest so bad.

"Gordon, you're the closest to him." John looked at Gordon who oddly kept quiet since the beginning of this conversation. "Didn't he tell you anything?"

Gordon looked at John and the others simultaneously and sighed.

"No. Apparently he didn't bother to tell me anything."

"Is there something bothering you Gordon?" Jeff noticed that Gordon looked really stressed.

"I'm sorry." Gordon realized his mistake almost immediately. "I'm just...I um...you know..." He sighed again, feeling exasperated. Gordon was stressed out, upset and angry. Alan was the closest to him and yet Gordon didn't know what to about Alan and how to get through the younger which was a first for him. At the same time he couldn't help but blame himself for what happened.

"I just couldn't help but feel it's my fault that Alan's that way. I was the one who told him to leave the man behind to die."

"Gordon stop. We're not doing this blame thing." Jeff uttered strictly. "None of this is anybody's fault. You boys know what is at stake when you started doing this. You guys have been trained well physically and mentally to prepare for any outcomes of a rescue. Alan knows and understands as much as you guys do so he will never ever blame any of you especially you Gordon. You guys should credit you brother more. He's way more mature than this." Jeff walked towards his second youngest and slanged a comforting hand around his shoulder.

"It's not your fault. Do you understand Gordon?" Gordon looked at his father and nodded. He still felt bad but it was nice to be reassured that Alan wasn't mad at him.

"Good." Jeff ruffled Gordon's hair lovingly.

"Now that I think about it." Gordon suddenly said, gaining everyone's attention at him. "This morning before flying off to the Himalayas Alan asked me what I felt about doing a rescue for an avalanche. He asked me if I was scared."

"Why would he ask you that?" Virgil questioned. Knowing how Alan was always pumped up when it comes to rescues, that question was too odd to be coming from him.

"It means that he was scared." Scott said quietly. They all looked at him.

"Usually when Alan is asking something about feelings it's actually indirectly points to how he is feeling." Scott explained. "That's just how Alan is. He's just too proud to ever admit his true feelings so he uses this instead."

"He once asked me if I feel scared of missing out my time on earth." John suddenly said afterwards. "I soon figured out that he's actually scared of missing out his time on earth while rotating duties with me on Thunderbird 5 in the beginning."

"He once asked me if I was scared of drowning in the pool since I was always swimming when we were kids which was ridiculous! He kept insisting that I was scared and refused to let me swim. I mean come on it's THE POOL! It's practically my second home I live there! I knew then he was actually scared of seeing me drowning and refused to admit to it that idiot." Gordon recalled with a chuckle. God, he loves that kid so much it's ridiculous. He missed the old Alan. The happy, cheeky and annoying little brother that he is. His chuckle soon quickly turned into a frown as a thought passed through him.

"Does that mean he was scared of going in to this rescue?"

"That's exactly what it means." Virgil answered. Gordon could see nothing but concerns in his eyes. "The question is...why?"

Suddenly, something flickered in him as Virgil stood up to his feet abruptly, surprising them all.

"Virg?" Scott called out to him.

"Oh God." Virgil started to shake a little and they could see tears forming inside his eyes. He was looking a little pale.

"It can't be." He choked out.

"Son, what's wrong?" Jeff stood up worriedly and looked at his middle son.

"Virg?" The others demanded.

Virgil looked at each and one of them anxiously before answering,

"Mom."

Instantly, they froze. Realization hit them hard. That one word had been enough for them to make sense of everything. That one single word; so simple and yet so powerful, explained everything that needed to be explained and suddenly, everything falls into their place.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys. As you can see, I'm new to this site and this is my first story. I gotta say it was actually quite hard for me to understand how to manage an account here since it's pretty complex compared to the other sites I'm used to. It took me awhile to upload this story and add the second chapter lol. Anyways, this is the second chapter of my very first Thunderbird story. I'm very excited about this story since it is my first try at writing a movie/Tv show fan fiction. Usually I write about Kpop groups like Super Junior in my other accounts like in ..etc.. so yeah, it's a great new experience. Btw, English is not my first language so I apologize for any wrong use of grammar and such. Please read and review it would just motivate me to write more. Thanks and hope you guys enjoy this story!**

 **-Haru**

" _Dad! We have to go snowboarding tomorrow we just have too!" Scott jumped around excitedly around his father. His eyes beamed with nothing but joy. He was really looking forward to this since two months ago._

 _It was one of the things that were special for the Tracy family, kinda like a tradition one could say. Every year during the winter season, they would go on a holiday together at their own private resort in the mountains to spend quality time together. And each year, Jeff would take his sons to go snowboarding on the East part of the resort. Well technically, almost-all of his sons. Alan was still young; he was only three years old so he would have to wait until he was a bit older to join the rest of his brothers._

" _You promise you'd take us." Scott continued with a big grin on his face. He couldn't hide his excitement. He was absolutely thrilled to get on his snowboard and feel the cool breeze of the air as the snow takes him down fast._

 _Jeff looked down at his eldest son and smiled. "Hold your horses buddy. That's what we're here for in the first place. We'll go tomorrow morning as soon as possible." At this, Scott hugged his father tightly while Jeff ruffled his hair._

" _I can't wait until tomorrow. Right Johnny?" The eldest Tracy son released his father and looked at John who was sitting on a couch with Virgil. He was busy reading a book and was barely paying any attention to the conversation between his brother and father._

" _Uh wha-" John was quite startled by the nudged given by Virgil. He was too drawn with his book that it took him awhile to process what Scott had said to him. Finally, he put down his book and looked at Scott. "Oh yeah sure. Whatever you say Scott."_

 _Scott rolled his eyes at John's half-hearted answer. It was known to the entire Tracy family that John was quite the nerd and that he would choose reading a book or staring at the stars with his telescope over snowboarding or having a go at sports if given the option._

" _Oh come on John we're on a holiday right now. Would you keep your books away? Why did you even bring them in the first place?" Scott said exasperatedly at John._

" _It helps me sleep plus reading is fun." John merely shrugged and resumed his reading. Virgil however, snorted._

" _Just leave him be Scott. You know Johnny and books are like peanut butter and jam."_

 _Scott was about to argue but a playful giggle from Alan quickly caught his attention._

" _Cot. Look. Boon!" Alan laughed as he pointed at the bubbles surrounding him. His baby brother was taking a bath in the sink and Scott softened at the sight._

" _They're called bubbles sweety." Lucy corrected the toddler with a chuckle. She was busy scrubbing Alan's back._

" _No boon?" Alan looked at his mother with wide eyes._

" _They're bubbles Sprout. S." Scott walked towards Alan and pinched his cheeks playfully._

" _Blers." Alan said to Scott. He showed his eldest brother the bubbles on his hand._

" _Yup. That's right. Bubbles." Scott smiled proudly as Alan beamed and giggled._

" _So, are you coming with us tomorrow mom?" Scott turned his attention towards Lucy._

" _Oh I'm sorry honey I can't. I have to watch over Alan. But I hope you have fun thou." Lucy looked apologetic as she said this. She knew how much her boys wanted her to come along but since Alan was still young she had to stay in the cabin with him._

" _Ah mom but you never came. Last time it Gordon who was too little." Scott whined. "Can't we just bring Alan along too so you can come?" He looked pleadingly at his mother. "It's not fun without you."_

" _I'm afraid not Scott. Believe me, I really do want to snowboard with you boys but Alan is just too young. He can't handle the cold temperature too long he'll get sick. Plus he can't snowboard with you guys yet so he'll throw tantrum if he can't join and if he gets bored. I'm so sorry baby." Scott frowned but nodded understandingly. Lucy quickly bent down and kiss the twelve year old's cheeks._

" _Tell you what. I promise that I'll join you when Alan is a bit older. Is that alright with you honey?"_

" _You promise?"_

" _I promise." Scott smiled and hugged his mother tightly. "Okay mom."_

" _That's my good boy."_

TBTBTBTBTB

" _Mommy, where's evewyone?" Three year old Alan asked his mother as he played with his teddy bear._

" _They went snowboarding sweety." Lucy answered as she turned on the stove. She was planning on making chicken soup for the boys when they get back from snowboarding. It will help them keep warm. She had already made hot chocolate previously._

" _Owboading?" Alan tilted his head curiously."It is fun mommy?"_

" _That's right. Snowboarding. Yes. It's very fun." Lucy looked at her toddler briefly and smiled._

" _Why can't I go mommy? I want fun too." Alan dropped his teddy bear and toddled towards Lucy._

" _Because snowboarding is for big kids honey. When you're big you can go." Lucy picked Alan up and put him on the baby chair. She then reached for one of the cabinets and took out some snacks. She wanted to give Alan some snack while waiting for the rest of the family for lunch._

" _Mommy. What's that?" Alan suddenly asked as Lucy was busy preparing the snack._

" _What's what?" Lucy asked as she looked at Alan._

" _Ow mommy! Ow!" Alan giggled and pointed towards the window. That was when Lucy felt it. The sudden vibrations and and shakiness and before she realized it everything was falling around her. She immediately looked at the window Alan was pointing at and her eyes went wide with horror._

TBTBTBTBTBTB

Alan sat at the corner of his room. His knees curled up to his chest as he sobbed. He could feel his body shaking slightly and the lump in his throat felt uncomfortable. His chest felt tight and he was exhausted. He didn't understand why he was behaving this way especially towards his family. He knew how worried they were of him but he just couldn't help it. He just wanted to be left alone and he just wanted some time to himself to sort out his mind. Everything was just jumbled up for him. A complete and utter _mess_. He couldn't calm himself down no matter how hard he tried. He never knew that he would react this way. Heck, he never even thought that he would act this way. It has been such a long time so it didn't cross his mind in any way that he would be force to remember _it_ this way. It was just… _too_ much for him and it.. _hurts_.

Alan heard a knock at his door but he refused to acknowledge it. However, he tried to force his sobs to calm down a little. It would be troubling if his family members heard him crying his gut out this way. It would worry them even more.

"I suck." He mumbled to himself.

After some time passed, Alan thought that the person behind the door had given up but he was soon proven wrong when he heard the knob being turned. Deep inside him, he knew that this would happen. His brothers would never let him be. Not especially how they can see how broken he looked.

"Alan?"

Alan immediately recognized the voice that he almost smiled. He knew that of all people it was Gordon that would be put in charge to talk to him when he refused to talk to anyone. The red-haired seemed to always know the right things to say and do to get a word out of Alan. He didn't look up at his brother thou.

'Scott must be pissed.' He thought to himself.

"Dude. You smell. Did you even shower for the last three days?" Gordon said with an exaggerated gesture. Alan almost rolled his eyes. _Almost_. One of the things Alan love about his closest brother is that he never treated Alan like he was the baby of the family. Sure Gordon has his moments when he went overly protective of Alan but most of the time they were more like best friends and that made Alan happy.

Gordon flopped himself next to Alan. Alan could see that he was holding a plate of pie.

"Kyrano made pie." Gordon informed him without being asked. "It's fucking delicious." He then stabbed his fork at the pie and took a giant bite. At this, Alan finally looked at Gordon. He could see the crumbs falling of his brother's mouth as he chewed vigorously. Gordon always ate like the food's going to disappear from him if he let his guards down.

"What you want some?" Gordon looked at Alan challengingly. "You know I hate sharing my food right? There's more in the kitchen if you want." He took another giant bite.

"Thou I must warn ya. If you don't claim it soon it's gonna disappear faster than the speed of light. Especially with that food monster Scott around." Alan said nothing but he didn't look away from Gordon either. "If you're not careful, he'll still your food. That's why I keep my snacks hidden under my bed. That way I can pounce of him if he ever tries to steal them while I'm asleep."

"I'm telling you. That guy is never full he's always hungry." Gordon continued to chide about the big eater in between his bites. "You know, I bet his stomach can expand 30 times bigger than a normal human!"

"What if he's like adopted or something? I mean it makes sense right? Some family must have dropped him on our front door because he was finishing all the milk and baby food it was killing them and dad's freaking rich so he can afford those! Oh and did you know that when he went up to Thunderbird five with Brains heat up the entire bag of John's favorite chocolate? He just couldn't help it could he? I mean with a stomach like that it can never be enough for him I guess. I mean like one or two bars would be enough right but no he just had to have the entire bag he's practically a monster!"

Alan finally let out a smile. He couldn't help it. His brother was being so ridiculous it's just out of this world.

"Ahah! Finally! There's that famous Alan Tracy smile!" Gordon put down the plate on the floor and cried out. "Boy I thought I'd never see that ever again!" Alan quickly pulled back his smile and stared at the floor, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. All of a sudden, he felt Gordon's arms around him.

"Just thought that you needed the hug." Gordon merely said as an explanation. At Gordon's words, it was as if something struck inside him and Alan could feel the emotions build up in him rapidly and before he realized it, he was already sobbing like there was no tomorrow.

Gordon didn't say anything after that. Instead, he continued to gently rubbed Alan's back to soothe him. After awhile, Alan managed to regain control of himself as he let out a shaky breath. He was even more exhausted and he felt dizzy from all the crying. He looked at Gordon as he was freed from his brother's arms, blushing slightly for acting like a baby. Gordon however, didn't comment on anything but instead he held out a box of tissue he had grabbed from the table near them for Alan.

"Why aren't you saying anything or asking me questions?" Alan asked after everything had calmed down and a few silent moments had passed. Even though Gordon didn't show any reactions, Alan could tell that his brother was pleased to hear his voice again.

"I mean, don't you wanna know?"

"If you wanted to tell me something or talk, you would have done that since three days ago." Gordon shrugged and leaned against the wall. "It's fine by me Al. You can tell me whenever you're ready." He added after seeing the look on Alan's face. "I won't force anything out of you but I want you to know that I'll be there to listen when you do."

"It's just that…" Alan found himself saying. "I um…I was just…" He took a deep breath to calm himself.

"..the rescue…just…it just reminds me of something you know…" He finally revealed as he hung his head low. He could feel his tears welling up again and it made him angry at himself for being such a whiny baby. "..from..the…the past…"

"It reminds you of mom." Gordon didn't even try to beat around the bush and went straight to the point. He knew that if he did so, Alan would only avoid the matter fully. Now that his baby brother was starting to open himself, Gordon was determined to make it stay that way. Alan looked up at him in surprise.

"How did..? How did you…know…?" Alan raised his eyebrow as he uttered this.

"Everybody pretty much figured it out by now. The rescue. The avalanche. The father and daughter climber. The death. It just makes sense you know when we put the pieces together." Gordon explained. Alan found himself fidgeting nervously when now that his entire family knew. He didn't want them to judge him for being weak. He wondered what they thought of him now.

"I see." He said quietly almost to himself but Gordon heard it anyways.

"How much do you remember?" Gordon asked.

"Not the entire thing. It's blurry for me here and there since I was only three but I remembered that..exact…moment…" Alan closed his eyes as he felt himself beginning to shake at the memory.

"What exact moment?" Gordon put his arms around Alan again to help the younger calm down.

"When mom…d-died..." Alan had said so quietly that Gordon almost didn't hear him. But he did and he immediately felt a pang to his heart. His hold on Alan tightened. "Oh Al..."

"Do you want to talk about it? Cuz I won't force you if you're not ready."

Alan thought about this. What did he want actually? For the last three days he had done nothing but avoid his family from finding out. From knowing the one thing he had kept hidden from them for years he had shut himself from the rest of the world and crawled up to his own misery. Would anything change if he talks about it? If he reveals his feelings to them would they understand? Would they be able to relate? And if he let all the emotions inside him crawl out in front of his family will his sadness ends? Would it? Can _it?_

As he thought of this silently he could feel the gentle and yet strong arms of his closest brother against his body and suddenly, everything falls into place. Ever since Gordon walked into his room he had felt a tad bit lighter. His chest didn't feel so heavy and tight like it did for the past three days. And after crying his eyes out in front of the red-haired and admitting to what was bothering him he had felt… _free_. Free from his _burdens_ and _thoughts_. He felt like he was Alan again. He took a deep breath and pushed away Gordon's arms gently, He then stared into his brother's eyes.

"I want to talk about it." He finally admitted. Gordon smiled instantly and ruffled Alan's hair lovingly.

"My ears are all yours dude." He told him. "I won't tell anyone else if you don't want me to."

"No Gords." Alan bit his lips nervously. "I mean I appreciate the offer but um..I um..I want to talk to all of you." Gordon raised his eyebrow questioningly.

"Dad. Scott, John, Virgil and you. I want to talk to all of you." Alan made himself clear. Gordon found himself grinning widely soon after. He felt relieved and glad for Alan to finally decide to open up and not keep everything to himself. He knew how sad Alan was so a help from the entire family would definitely help him heal. Alan needed not only him, but them all. This involves all of them after all.

"Alrighty then. I'll call them over right now!"

TBTBTBTBTBTB

 **Please review and thanks for reading!**


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